Poetic Antic {Page 64}

Family

There are cheers and jeers

Shouts, fights, and lies

There are friends and foes

But in the end I have my family

My family keeps me grounded

During weekends and when I am bad

But even though I misunderstand

I know that they love me

I could always turn to them

When I am feeling weak in spirit

But I only need their company

No tricks necessary

Poetic Antic {Page 63}

Awake

These days I keep having the same dream

A dream that's elusive, something distant

No matter how much I want this dream to become reality

It always escapes my grasp, I only see it for an instant

I plan to do my everything, but I keep holding back

I don't know why this is so, why am I so hesitant

The future is something I long for, something I fear

My past is bleak, my present weak, I feel insignificant

Losing interest in life, love, and passion

I wonder when I changed, why am I inconsistent

This is annoying.

Poetic Antic {Page 62}

sparkling

One push and I opened up

One smile and I lose control

One kiss and I began to miss you

One heartbreak and I've had enough

There's really no time for this love

No time for nonsensical things

I'm sure things will be sorted out soon

Leave me alone, let me think for a while

No more bullshit, get away from me

I hate the you that make me so crazy

I despise me for feeling so into you

Somebody slap me back to reality

Poetic Antic {Page 61}

Wrong

I died five times today

Barely hanging on

Things are left undone

I'm doing my best

Put me to the test

Nothing amazing

Stitching up loose seams

No longer searching for the future

No longer living today to die

Everything will be clear soon enough

I lie, I hurt, I cry

I can't sing the song

I was wrong

Forgive me

Fuck it, who cares anyway

I'll forget, gradually

Day by day

Eventually I'll find myself

Right now I'm just putting pieces together

Next time, if we meet

Trust me, I'll be better

So go on with your life

Don't worry about me

I'll find my own way

Sometimes I hurry, but

I'm in no rush at all

Just excited

Smile

Poetic Antic {Page 60}

FIVE

Limited minutes of freedom

I've been over this more than I'm willing to tell

A minute passed by again

The start is a short wait

I have a little bit more to say

I need a little more time to play

But the road to my destination is dark

Better drop things while I still can

It's hard to stop, it never gets done

It's hard to start, it never is fun

It must be done, I tell myself

Even if it's not fun, I have to be quick

Poetic Antic {Page 59}

Wild

I heard the rumors you spread out there

Didn't think you had it in you, I swear

All this time I felt pity for you, I cared

Now I'm tired of your games, I'm spent

There are lots of reasons why I shouldn't stay

There are more reasons that urged me to leave

I really don't know what I should do

I know there's only one solution, I'm scared

I have things to tell you, you might want to listen

Just for a moment won't stop and shut it

Open your eyes, your heart, and your soul

Take a moment, tell me what you see in me

The room keeps quiet, and you are silent

This only means that I have not been accepted

I know this would happen, I felt it and feared it

But there's nothing like experiencing rejection in the flesh

No I'm not in a hurry to leave, though I truly abhor this

I've got nothing to worry over about anymore

I have been freed once more of this wretchedness

I shed no tears for fearful things and frightful monsters

I spread a rumor about your love, my dear

And how you broke my dreams, you see

Lots of times I've done good things

A stain on my record that's a price I'm willing to pay

You see, no one can say that I have not tried

Tried my best, my worst, and my everthing

All for the sake of this opportunity

Sorry you couldn't understand it properly

The world I live in, you live in too

I may not know who I am or what I want to be

But I know what I'm not and what I don't want to be

It's not near, but it's coming to me

This world is big and I'm small compared to it

My voice may be weak, but I speak up for myself just the same

You may not hear, nor care, nor know

Listen up space aliens, I'm back it's my show

Poetic Antic {Page 58}

Talk

What is with all these talk

About giving up

It's easy you say, don't be careless

It's hard to quit if I commit

If giving up is easy

Why do we even try

Why do we hide behind our aspirations

I would have never come here

Poetic Antic {Page 57}

Faster

I have to get moving

I have to get started

I finished some stuff

Still it is not enough

So many reasons in my head

So many urgent whims unattended

Important things get left behind

I'll try to come back

There is never enough time

Not today nor tomorrow

There's always something to be done

Always having no time for fun

I am binded by time passing by

It clinks and makes noise

I love the music it makes

I dance to whatever rhythm it makes

These shackles that bind me

Makes music I dance to

It sparkles in the morning

Blinding me from sanity

Poetic Antic {Page 56}

Just This Time

Reality is hitting me

Everywhere I go it follows me

I did not do anything

Nothing

It is hard to get a grip

When the walls are thick

And the bars are big

And the roads are slippery

It is hard to breathe

I think I might cry, but

I don't, I won't

I'm too fragile

I might break into pieces

I shudder to think I might miss it

This feeling is so shallow

My grip is starting to falter

I want to stop

Stop ignoring my problems

Stop thinking of the future

And do what I have to today.

Poetic Antic {Page 55}

Walls

If I could aim high and reach for my dreams

Why do I still feel trapped and cornered?

Why do I always hold back my screams?

All I want to do is move forward

Poetic Antic {Page 54}

Soon

A broken heart

Shattered, thrown away

A million sparkling shards

Reflecting love that cannot be

A time to say hello

Momentarily blissful existence

Caught in a tornado of emotions

Love for a blue rose blossomed

But the world keeps spinning

And people keep stealing

Once love was found

Easily it was lost

Poetic Antic {Page 53}

Just When I Thought

It had a certain ring to it

Sent sparks down my spine

I finally got a reply

And it was not what I wanted to hear

It made me think

It made me question

Am I just a friend?

Something I did not mention

I had accepted it already,

But you go on ahead and confuse me

What am I to you really?

What am I to you?

My heart is beating like crazy

I just pacified it moments ago,

But you interrupt my life like so

Do you even love me?

Can't I get even a maybe?

Poetic Antic {Page 52}

Not Again

Why is it always like this?

Ending nicely with a kiss?

Yes, it is something I miss

Only I do though, shit!

It starts out cool

It starts out chill

It starts out real good

It ends so weird

I guess it's true

I should stay single

It gets boring though

So sometimes I mingle

Poetic Antic {Page 51}

Strong

I knew it from the start

Yet I closed my eyes and leaped

Knowing full well that no one is waiting

No one will catch me when I fall

I've been told time and again

Princes are not for girls like me

I am a strong girl

I can handle life by myself

But here I am still waiting for my turn

Waiting to be saved from everything I know

Doesn't matter if I am weak or if I am strong

In the end I am still a girl

A girl who dreams of friendship and romance

Of everlasting life with the one

Loyal, eternal, and true

Everyday with that one

Even strong girls sit and pray

For the day to come

For the day to be saved

For us, the feeling is the same

Poetic Antic {Page 50}

Leap

I'm tired of all the inconsistencies

I'm done with all the assumptions

Kiss me goodbye darling

I've been told time and again

Someone else is in control

I waved them goodbye

There are times I don't even try

Those times I wish I could relive

But time moves forward not back

Where did I go?

Trapped in bitterness

Cold, lonely, and hopeful

What I need is a leap of faith

Poetic Antic {Page 49}

Our Days End

Singing songs out loud

I wonder why I'm dreaming

Better days and warmer nights

Kiss of fortune, lady luck

Lost in my thoughts

Anxiously waiting for something

Looking for some meaning

Very non-revealing

Caught in a situation

I was honest,

I was cold,

Icy

Seeing my reflection

Dancing in the dark

Moments like these fill my days

Ending with an ooh la la

Poetic Antic {Page 48}

September

Things happened so fast

I got what I wanted, it was given to me

I didn't even think it'd be

For me that was all a fantasy

I was shocked by the inquisition,

But deep inside I knew it was coming

I hoped and I prayed

And am thankful things went through my way

I'm wishing for something more

Something that would last,

But no matter what happens

I'm going to be the same way still

Going back, thinking things through

I couldn't say it then, what I wanted to say

I'm wondering if the thought ever occurred

Was it well thought of, was it meant?

Driving fast, racing with time

I kept falling with a never-ending desire

At the end, I wish I'd had courage

To say those words, I meant to say

My luck that day had been exhausted

And that's not all that I've wasted

September nights keep you warm,

but it will not shield your heart from harm.

Poetic Antic {Page 47}

So Close

I used to think things through,

But that changed when I met you.

We said sweet things to each other,

But that changed now that we aren't together.

You weren't given a choice,

But I know I'll soon hear your voice.

I know you have some other,

But you made it clear that I'm your lover.

You once asked me what I want,

But I never told you that you're what I want.

I am hopeful and some say quite naive,

But I can tell them that that's fine as longs as my happiness I can achieve.

Poetic Antic {Page 46}

Amore-ities

You're animosity to me

It burns, it heals, I'm real

I'm here, I feel the breeze

I feel some animosity

In me, inside, it's near

I'm real and you're a hoax

He thinks about animosity

Explicit love he wants from me

I hate to be that girl with you

She's lost herself in animosity

As if she can get in, anyway

I fear she's a little hazy

Poetic Antic {Page 45}

PURIFIED

scribbled my name on a piece of paper

ripped it and torched it

a million burning pieces colored my sky

filling my lungs with bitter smoke

taking my breath away.

Poetic Antic {Page 44}

Marble

I wish I could, someone should

Tell that I'm having the best day

It's very funny how people laugh

When things don't go as planned

Jumbled the keys in my pockets

Lost some money in the process

Paper bills trailing behind me

Hoping my prince would find it

Poetic Antic {Page 43}

New Love

The sun is shining happily

That is nothing new to me

It isn't like this unusually

It makes me smile with glee

I walk briskly in the grass

Feel the summer heat caress

The sun is shining happily

Strawberries ripen with glee

Fluffy clouds in the sky so high

Under the tree tops I lie

A fine day in June not July

Little Romance passed me by

Poetic Antic {Page 42}

One Fine June

I struggled to find a balance

Only asking for help once

Spun around blind-folded

Still I kept my head up high

Through adversity, I've been strong

No room for tears, fears, or weaknesses

It simply isn't suppose to be

That's the truth I have accepted

My heart is cold, my mind strong

I don't let fools change me otherwise

Poetic Antic {Page 41}

~ ~ ~ S p a r k s

The night is young and so are we

There is no need to hurry and worry

No need to stop looking for sparks

Farther and harder we search

I'm gaining back my sanity

Flashing lights color your face

My heart begins to dance

I want to relive this sense of high

Standing still at the edge of a cliff

You place your hand behind my neck

We swayed to the tune of the sparks

Thousand times we did this

Till dawn broke and our knees shook

Still we followed the bidding of the sparks

Keeping up is hard and we are a little tired

We stood still for a moment or two

Grabbed a drink and freshened up a bit

A few candid words later and that's when it hit

I never knew how your eyes brightly lit

Leading me close to your side always

Cupid sent us these sparks of interest.

Poetic Antic {Page 40}

Good Knight

I feel a breeze that's calming

No one looked so charming

Tonight is when I found out

What living life is about

I was not always optimistic

There were times I was ballistic

Always waiting for my dream

Always ending with melted ice cream

"Never give up", is a motivation

Added with tons of invocation

Going with the flow

First rate kind of show

Promises were meant to be kept

What happened? Too inept--overslept?

Walking towards someone better

Maybe I'll write a love letter

Poetic Antic {Page 39}

Transitions

Sneaky little butterflies

Flying high, falling hard

Some things are easy

Others are complex

No time to deliberate

No time to hide that smile

Reasons are made up quick

Excuses are weak

Going through phases

Meeting new faces

Get lost in these mazes

Let's travel with maces

Safety is the key

To feeling free

Follow my wisdom

Life is fantastic

Logical I am not today

No penchant for mind games

Won't let anyone near

Heart too fragile I fear

Poetic Antic {Page 38}

S t r a n g e

Nobody mentioned that I should bring an umbrella with me

I told myself today that outside the sun is shining brightly

I really should have checked to see if it actually did

Because now I'm drenched to the bone

Poetic Antic {Page 37}

Recall

Just finished saying hello

Turned around, then let go

Took my hand, waved goodbye

Didn't need to know why

Shut the door, opened the blinds

Now we are in our right minds

Not knowing what will happen

What we had was misshapen

Ill will, Ill thoughts I have none

Somehow I knew we'd soon be done

Sanity has come back, what luck

Can't help the feeling of being unstuck

Poetic Antic {Page 36}

sleepless . . .

It's like the sun shined and my eyes aren't shut tight

It's as if the sky opened and i'm basking in happiness

I'm thinking about dancing to the beat of my heart

I'm taking a chance, I don't care if people get scared

Fell a few steps back and I'm given a second take

I'm back to the start and I wonder how to do things now

I'm thinking about singing out loud, high above the clouds

I'm taking a chance, i don't care if people do mind

Waking up to a new day, next I'll stay up till dawn

Walking up to a new bay, next time I won't be alone

I'm thinking about letting all my emotions run amok

I'm taking a chance, I don't care if people get hurt

Poetic Antic {Page 35}

Snip

Not a lot of things to do tomorrow

I've been recently let go

Not a lot of things to think through

I've been recently freed

Poetic Antic {Page 34}

Cherish

What I've felt that time was different

It wasn't hard to accept the truth

I didn't feel sad or hurt really

Somehow I knew it wasn't going to last

I wonder how you're coping with this

How long did it take you to decide?

I figured this was easy for you to do

To a point it was kinda ruthless

Funny how auguries work on me

I never know what it's hinting

I never know when things happen

Thank you for letting go

Poetic Antic {Page 33}

I'm Not Missing You

You lingered in my mind too much

And now you're tired of it

You drove me around town a lot

And now you're tired of it

You and I watched movies at night

And now you're tired of it

You and I cuddled in the couch

And now you're tired of it

You said enough and we broke up

And now I'm not missing you

Poetic Antic {Page 32}

Solely

A new day has passed me by

A new way to tie my hair

Wearing my new high heels

Dressed up for tonight

Flaunt a little skin to everyone

Someone wants to get close to me

No one is feeling sorry tonight

Won't be back till it feels right

Don't wonder why or how

Just call up the sun and have fun

Dancing though my clothes are missing

I'm about to show a new me how to be

Poetic Antic {Page 31}

what I've said

somewhere along the way I've learned

it's hard to forget and hard not to care

when people you yearn for are unfair

I keep telling myself not to get burned

I listen to what people say intently

I get hung up on the details too much

I hate hearing bad things and such

They should speak more gently

speaking my mind is not simple

keeping to myself is what I am used to

thus making my company difficult to pursue

people like me because of my dimples

waking up in the morning is tough

unless sunshine seeps in through the blinds

"be thankful you're alive", it reminds

another day to spend putting on my make up

Poetic Antic {Page 30}

With Me

Can't you see? That I am the one

Who makes you smile all the time

When you're mad, sad, or had enough

I've helped you out the best I can

Can't you feel? That I am the one

Who makes you laugh everytime

When you're mad, sad, or had enough

I've liked you ever since day one

How long shall I wait? I'm the one!

Is it really that hard to figure out?

How many hints do you need?

You have a brain use it!

How long will you take? I'm the one!

Is it really that hard to decide?

How much time do you need?

Grow some courage dammit!

Poetic Antic {Page 29}

Staring at the Ceiling

Spending our nights alone

Thinking about the feelings you've shown

It's late already, haven't you known?

Stuck here waiting by the phone.

Thirty-six minutes past eight

Still no sign of you opening the gate

If you're cheating, please tell me straight

There's very little things I can tolerate.

Out late with your friends, you said

They say you're with her instead

Now my mind is full of dread

Happy that you'd spontaneously bled.

Red liquid running down my cheeks

I got my revenge a little after two weeks

Not sorry I ruined those  sentimental antiques

I have to work on my techniques.

Poetic Antic {page 28}

Lost

Funny how I thought I made it clear

How things would be for the two of us

I thought I could handle the pain

Of not being with you every second of the day

I was foolish to think that, now that I recall

I'm all talk and never can walk the walk.

Poetic Antic {Page 27}

Bloody

Left in the cold

Aching to see you

Hear your voice

Feel your skin

Close and gentle

Taste your lips

This time for sure.

Really what happened

I don't know

Some kind of test

This is I guess

I'm very impatient

I hate waiting,but

For you I will try

Where are you?

My mind is strong

My heart is weak

It's significant because

When you turn weird

My mind wanders

And I start imagining

You leaving me

For some other girl

Or some other guy.

I feel so stupid

I feel so angry

I can't do anything

Because you won't 

Even talk to me

I get scared 

I get frusatrated

I make excuses 

You still don't answer

I am miserable.

I say I don't care

I do a lot

I like you, but to me

It seems you don't 

Even see me

I can't take it anymore

Maybe we shouldn't

Have this between us

It was simpler before

You were just someone

I really liked a lot.

I didn't care not at all

Even when you said

Those things to me

But now I know

How you like me too

And I let you know

How I liked you too

Now I fear

That you would change

Take back your words

Hurt me and leave

With only memories.

If these feelings

Of mine somehow

Reach your side

I hope it's enough

To appease your

Resentment to me

I never know

How you really feel

How you get hurt

By me

I apologize 

I misunderstand

Hope it's not too late.

Poetic Antic {Page 26}

... believing

Well it's a happy day

For me anyway

how about you?

I'm asking cause

I don't know

Anything that's happened

To you

What did you do?

I'm curious

I'm bored

Tired of waiting

Tired of caring

Tired of not communicating

With you

Why didn't you?

Call on me?

Caress me?

Today, today, today,

Is tomorrow's yesterday!

I know it's tough

I know it too

That's why I'm trying

To do it like you do.

Poetic Antic {Page 25}

TranceTranceTranceTranceTranceTranceTranceTrance

In like

Not in love

That's our status

Current relationship

All we know

All we want

That's it

Currently

It's enough

Not forever

Just for now

Will we be more?

I don't know how,

But that is something 

We can't deny

So let us try 

Don't be afraid of heights

Poetic Antic {Page 24}

Drafts

I write down words with my pen

I keep it lengthy and vague

I don't divulge much information

Though I transfer on much of my emotions

I'm a little paranoid, I admit

Having been through so much crap lately

It's hard to find someone who is time worthy

Precious thought and memories,

These are the things I like to write about

Little descriptions of my past encoded.

Poetic Antic {Page 23]

Implications

It is building up inside me

The agony of waiting

The reasons are still unclear

I am conflicted

I know what to do

I want to finish it

All I do is procrastinate

It burdens me 

Yet I do it over and again

More so than previously

I enjoy it immensely

I don't want it to end

I resent it

And these words hurt me

How can I be like this?

Speaking indirectly

I should be working

Solving it

Anything, but speak of it

It distracts me from my purpose

And I let control be taken from me

Powerless and broken

I feel it

I crave for it

I know this obssession quite well

Yet all I do is let it

Possess me all the the time

Purposely I let it

I meant for it to

I control it

I am above and beyond

I have power

I have skill

The kind that is beautiful

The kind that is concealed

It's a secret I am willing to share

What can you do against me?

Nothing that I can't do better against you

So don't mess with me

Love me